A few weeks ago everywhere I turned people were talking about 50 Shades of Grey, the hot new story written by someone named E L James. I’ve seen this trilogy described as “mommy porn” more times than I can count, and while I’m not a mom I thought I’d make my way through the trilogy anyhow.

I was determined to read not just the first book, 50 Shades of Grey, but the entire trilogy. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m not sure why I made and kept this goal because I found the books to be pretty abysmal from page 1.

It’s worth noting that 50 Shades started off as a Twilight fan fiction story called Master of the Universe. So yeah, when you’re reading these books, just picture the main character Christian as Edward and Anna as Bella and you’ll be good to go.

The most unforgivable aspect of the 50 Shades series is that it is just very poorly written. The books are addled with type-o’s, which drives me freaking nuts.  They’re making who knows how many millions of dollars on these stories and they couldn’t bother getting a proper copy editor? Give me a break. {I know this blog is not perfectly written, but I don’t have an editor.} Once you get past the type-o’s, it’s glaringly obvious that the stories are written at about a sixth grade reading level. You know, about the same level at which the Twilight books were written. For instances of poor writing, look no further than the words that come the most frequently out of Anna’s being mouth being either, “Holy $***” or “Holy F***.” I considered making a drinking game out of Anna saying either of these expressions but then realized I’d be hammered after about five pages.

I didn’t actually know that 50 Shades of Grey started out as fanfic until after I finished the first book, and then it all made sense. While reading Grey I kept thinking that it was written in a similar – READ: basic and unsophisticated – style to Twilight. The things the characters say to one another is downright cringe-worthy. Instead of Jacob and the werewolves, however, 50 Shades of Grey has SEX. Holy cow do they have sex. Christian and Ana can’t look at one another without “tingling” and wanting to have sex immediately. And often. And anywhere they can. There’s so much sex that it becomes mind-numbing and I started skipping over those scenes completely. I’m not opposed to sex scenes in books, but these scenes were so boring and similar to one another that I found them unbearable.

Christian and Ana are not well thought-out characters nor are they characters worth cheering for. Ana has no backbone whatsoever and apparently spent her time in college living under a box. Christian is, well, 50 shades of f***** up. {This is straight from the book. I don’t talk like this.} He’s also a stalker, abuser, billionaire that never works, and a psychopath. I noted many sections in the trilogy when Christian seemed like nothing more than an abusive stalker, and Anna, knowing no better just wanted to make him happy. Yes, there is a backstory that explains Christian’s tortured childhood, but I found it impossible to blame his behavior as an adult on the life he lived until age four.

I thought the story marginally picked up in the final third of the final book when there’s actually a little bit of storyline, but I don’t recommend paying about $30 for this trilogy to read a marginally good third of one book. Seriously. I don’t generally read “mommy porn” or erotica stories so I can’t recommend another that might be better, but I would think anything should be better than this.

I know I am in the vast minority with my opinion on this trilogy, so I found it interesting that E L James herself thinks the trilogy isn’t that great.

Did you read 50 Shades of Grey? You know how I feel, but I’d still love to hear your opinions!